Green valleys, blue skies, yellow castles, and turquoise seas. Portugal is a country adorned with the most beautiful scenery while remaining an affordable European destination. Welcoming over 11 million tourists annually, it's becoming difficult for it to stay humble – and we understand why!
In order to revive its modesty, this text, steeped in irony, offers you the dark side of Portugal's finest qualities.
Point 1: Gastronomy will make you gain a few kilos
Forewarned is forearmed.
Portugal is insensible to your figure. You stroll gently through the hills of Lisbon. Hosts and hostesses, standing by the doorways of their restaurants, urge you to come in. Unable to say no, you give in.
This is the end.
There you are, buried under a mountain of Portuguese-style mussels. You've barely put down your last shell when the cheese course arrives like a fly in the ointment. The waiter, with a mischievous grin, pours you the wine to pair with these little tapas, which are, in fact, quite the showstoppers on your plate. By the end of the meal, you're stuffed, your stomach overflowing. It's a disaster!
Point 2: Way too much sun
Portugal is a destination where 850 kilometers of its land touches the ocean, leaving its west coast a plethora of beaches for tourists and locals alike.
Even if you try to avoid the beach resorts, that scorching sun follows you everywhere. And everyone knows it: coming back from vacation with a summer tan makes your friends envious, and they'll soon stop talking to you. With 300 days of sunshine a year, Portugal is detrimental to your social life.
Point 3: Destination with a high risk of alcohol poisoning
Everyone knows Port, that small blended wine with a sweet taste that is sipped slowly after a meal with friends.
The truth is, Portugal has emerged from the shadows in the wine world with these captivating grand crus that grace your dinner table like a mother-in-law on a weeknight. To avoid an overdose or an intervention from your loved ones upon returning from vacation, steer clear of the Alentejo, Dão, and Douro regions. These are areas where you risk tripping over a barrel of Falcoaria Late Harvest 2014.
Point 4: The architecture is outdated
From Roman bridges to Baroque basilicas, and including enormous Gothic castles, Portugal is a land of ancient walls. Apparently, some of these monuments are over eight centuries old; just imagine the dust! Furthermore, World Heritage enthusiasts will be delighted by the 14 UNESCO World Heritage sites.
Of course, Portugal has centuries of history.
But we have Céline.
Point 5: The warmth of the people
Because in Portugal, not only will you be enveloped in the sweltering heat of Europe's Iberian Peninsula, but expect the same kind of heatwave of love from the locals.
They smile at you in shops as if you were old friends from university. They offer you food and drink, they lift their hands to dance with you in the streets. That said, you'll have far fewer opportunities to meet Quebecers than during your last trip to Ogunquit. What a shame!
Stéphanie Bureau
Winner of the 4 destinations, 1 blogger contest.
To follow Stéphanie
Instagram | @Stefburo
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